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Mermaids Do Not Exist, Claims U.S. Government

Mermaids Do Not Exist

It’s official — mermaids are not real.

The U.S. government broke the hearts of Ariel fans in a post titled “No Evidence of Aquatic Humanoids Has Ever Been Found” on the the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s website. They announced:

The belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species. Magical female figures first appear in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ago, when modern humans gained dominion over the land and, presumably, began to sail the seas. Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology — in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few. But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.

Why sink the mermaid myth now? It has to do with an Animal Planet show people took a bit too seriously. “Mermaids: The Body Found,” which aired last month, was a documentary-style program that, according to a press release, “paints a wildly convincing picture of the existence of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they’ve stayed hidden…until now.”

The verdict is still out on unicorns, gryphons and manic pixie dream girls.

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(image by Daniela Uhlig)

  1. B-rian
    B-rian07-04-2012

    Wait…so no minotaurs either?!?!

  2. Dan H
    Dan H09-02-2012

    Saw the documantery and it was pretty good, now NOAA and our (ever so trust worthy) government has issued a release that its all bunk… Well dont they always do that? I mean who acctully believes they would tell the truth. The denied area 51 for decades, and we could see it. Point is im not saying mermaids are totaly 100% real… BUT, are we going to dismiss it JUST beacuse the Gov says so???

  3. R.S. Rhodes
    R.S. Rhodes06-26-2013

    I know for a fact they do exist. Mermaids,…. that is. I have lived with one for over 15 years now and she is as real as you and me. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is the love of my life !

    • S. L Cameron
      S. L Cameron08-05-2013

      I’m intrigued, please sir tell me more?
      P.S: I’m highly obsessed with mermaids and whether they exist or not, so much research! I want to know what basis you have to say ths :) cheers

  4. Savannah MermaidVamp
    Savannah MermaidVamp02-01-2014

    Y’all should just shut up, mermaids are real because there’s a bunch of proof and people are shifting into them and it’s working. You just dont believe in them because you are jeleous of them. So shut up and keep your stupid opinions to yourself because i dont really fucking care about what you think!

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